Making friends is no small feat for me. I'm introverted around everyone except exceptionally good friends I've known for years, and I'm super anxious in crowds of more than four people. So I don't collect new friends very easily. Sometimes the anxiety doesn't even show because I'm that good, but I'm kind-of a mess on the inside in social situations.
Therefore, it's been equally comforting and nerve racking to instantly acquire new people through L. upon moving here. L. is as social as I am socially phobic, has lived here for a decade, and actually likes most of her family. So I got to know a lot of people really quickly upon moving here.
I've heard more than a few times that Minnesotans are hard to get to know. I'm not exactly sure why, really. I'm in a graduate program with a lot of friendly, social, kind, and open people, and I work in a place with 300 employees. So I get to meet a lot of people, many of whom are Minnesota lifelong residents.
But the only person I've met here that I can actually begin to call my friend - not L.'s friend who befriended me (which has happened a lot, many of whom are you all reading this blog, and I'm super grateful for the connections, by the way) is actually not from here.
She's from Reno. I lived in Reno. And that's the main reason we started talking in the first place.
How strange that the single potential friend found on my own in my new home is not even from here.
So answer me this: What's behind the myth that Minnesotans are hard to get to know?
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7 comments:
I think many Minnesotans have lived here their whole lives and they have an accumulation of friends from grade school through their current jobs/schools. With so many familiar faces around, I think many Minnesotans don't feel the need to seek out wider circles of friends or let in new people to their circles.
I've also heard that Minnesotans will be really sweet and seem open when you meet them. But then just sort-of close off so you never really get past acquaintance. I have only experienced this once since moving here.
Come to think of it - I felt this with a friend who was a Minnesotan. All my other friends are from other states. hmnnnnn....
Hmm. Very interesting, you two.
Any advice for the new kid in town?
I have no advice for how to break into the inner Minnesotan circle. I've lived here off and on for over a decade now and I don't know how to do it.
My only advice, and it's really Mr. Rogers' advice, is to be yourself. You are so sweet and fun to be with. The Minnesotans won't be able to say no to you!
because i know most of my kind (minnesotans) are hard to crack into, i try to be extra welcoming to try to make up for it. but seriously, it is a problem. minnesotans collect friends early and keep them and seem to think they have no need to add more. that is why i find the initiating an outing to be the best way to break into a circle. minnesotans have a hard time saying no and a harder time not reciprocating. a sure fire way!
Hmm! Martha that's a fine idea, and an area I tend to forget about - initiating. I think I can do that.
Thanks for the kind words, Nancy:)
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