Since Thursday, I've been incredibly emotionally fragile. As a future mental health practitioner, I see self-awareness of my swings as productive and also terrifying.
L. succinctly summarized what could be going on.
1. I'm taking a medication for six months because I was exposed to TB. One side effect is depression.
2. It's my first February in Minnesota. One side effect is depression.
3. I'm learning how to be a grief/crisis counselor. One side effect - unless you know what the hell you're doing and have vast experience - is depression.
One of the bedrooms gets flooded with sun between 9:30 am and 2:30 pm. If it's sunny out, which it hasn't been in days - until this morning! After breakfast we crawled into the bed in that bedroom, lowered the blinds as much as possible without peep-showing the neighborhood, and raised a yellow blanket up in front of our faces to reflect the sun on us.
It's about -10 degrees outside; wind chill is between -25 and -40. (I still haven't left the house today and don't have a clue as to what that feels like, yet.)
But before we lifted the blanket up, L. said, "you wanna go to San Diego?" I said, "YES!" And then she lifted the blanket up, smiled, closed her eyes and said, "I'm on the beach! In San Diego!"
It was the best part of my morning, hands down.
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It's so hard to make it through the winter. Even people who have lived through it their entire lives feel awful some or most of the winter. I love reading your descriptions of how it feels. It's painful to read because I don't want you to feel that way. But it's so honest and true. I hope it gets easier.
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