9 days

Since you all took the bait, I'll keep on the drinking theme. There's more to the conversation that usually occurs. I'll spell it all out.

someone nice and generous (snag): "Want something to drink? We have wine, beer, tequila?"
sweet me (sm): "No thanks."
snag: "You sure? Just a glass? We've got Oberon!"
sm: "Um, no thanks... I'll have water?"
snag: "You driving?"
sm: "No. Well, yes. And meds. I'm trying to avoid liver toxicity."
snag: "Oh! That's too bad!"
sm: "It's fine. I'll be done in X months/weeks/days."
snag: "And then you can drink!" (raises glass into air) "In time for summer!"

I haven't figured out what to say at this point that accurately communicates my feelings. I usually just say, "Well, I'll wait awhile and let my liver recover from the meds first." That's true. The feeling, though, is about the resistance to drinking just because I can. I can't figure it out. But what I want to say is:

sm: "Multiple family members are/were alcoholics/addicts. So, I'm not a big drinker to begin with. It's the last thing I'm thinking about. The first thing I'm thinking about is how glad I will be to not have to take a freaking antibiotic everyday for a condition that presents no symptoms. And I can also stop worrying about my mood swings being a result of the medications, and I can start believing that it's all in my head instead. Going back to multiple family members being alcoholics - maybe that's why I'm moody. Or maybe everyone's moody and some people just hide it better. What do you think?"

I'm way too nice and inhibited for my own good most of the time. Minnesota nice is doing a real number on me. I'm breaking through, I am, I am.

10 days left

At first glance, what I'm about to tell you has nothing to do with Minnesota or about being crazy. However, I've learned a few things over the last six months and have made some connections that I wasn't expecting.

Four years ago I had to have a TB test because I was working in the Oakland public school system and it was required. It was positive. Multiple subsequent tests were positive as well after a second false negative test. Chest results were negative: I had latent TB, not the active, quarantine kind.

I didn't have health insurance and I'd just returned from three years of one health problem after another (aka Peace Corps) so I was way put out by the whole diagnosis. I heard from multiple public health nurses that I was supposed to take 6-9 months of antibiotics to decrease my chances of developing active TB. The side effects sounded atrocious. I chose not to take the meds.

Six months ago, I decided to start the meds. I don't know why. I just knew that if I was going to do it, I should do it before I got too much older and my liver was less tolerant.

Every day for the last 6 months minus 10 days, I've taken an antibiotic.

Side effects were supposed to be: fatigue, depression, jaundice, weight gain, nausea, gastrointestinal distress, and, possibly - though less likely - delusions. I was counseled that if any of these side effects actually occurred that I was to plow through and continue to take the meds. I dreaded my first winter in Minnesota even more because of this news.

I'll count down the days until I'm done. Today is 10.

The biggest, strangest observation I've made is that people offer me alcohol. I decline. People sometimes persist. I decline more. Then I say, "I am taking a medication that prevents me from drinking." It feels like a weird violation of privacy, but it shuts them up. If I just say, "no, thank you," believe it or not, some people will not let it rest or they look disappointed that I will not be drinking their home brew or joining them in their drinking habits.

What if I was pregnant and didn't want to tell them? Even more, what if I was a recovering alcoholic? This experience has made me have a TON of compassion for recovering alcoholics. Oh God. What they have to go through is just awful. Denial after denial after denial.

Funny thing, too, is that this is a cultural thing. An American thing. Some people who aren't pushers have told me after awhile that they just thought I wasn't a drinker. They noticed I didn't drink but had the thoughtfulness to not be an ass about it, and just assumed I had *reasons.* I just can't say that I've ever really noticed that someone doesn't drink.

I had way more to say about that than I thought I did.

I'll save the rest for the last 9 days.

Cockporn

My 2 and a half year old niece, Naomi, asked for popcorn the other day, except that she said, "cockporn."

I find this intensely hilarious and writhe on the floor in laughter every time I think of it. It's a good, good reminder about why I am here.

I am here because L. is here; L. is here because her sisters are here (really, couldn't you three have chosen a warmer state?) And the popcorn queen is here because of all that, too. And I am just crazy about the four kids L's sisters birthed into this world. Especially when they do/say priceless things.

Cockporn.

It really doesn't get any better than that.

Naomi, you made Minnesota bearable for me this week.

hiatus

I actually defended Minnesota the other day.
I can't think of a thing to complain about.
It's spring.

So, I'm going to pause the blogging for awhile.

I'm grateful for all the catharsis it's allowed me these last few months. And I'm grateful to all of you out there listening and pitching in!

Until next time.

yeah, spring, mm hmm.

We're forecast for "Heart Attack Snow" tonight. WTF, Minnesota?

spring is shuddering and stammering

Yesterday I heard geese overhead and chickadees in trees.

This morning it's snowing.

Somehow I'm not exasperated and suicidal over this.

I just think, soon. Soon, grasshopper.

monumental moment in month 9

I actually got invited to my first party in Minnesota. THIS IS A BIG DEAL!

Remember, Minnesotans generally hang out with their best friends from high school and need 25 weeks of advance planning to make a date.

And it was a spontaneous "we're calling you today for a party tonight" invite.

My ego was spinning!

It was a fabulous party, too, with a manageable number of lively and lovely attendees. The gourmet dinner was thoughtfully planned and expertly executed and we grazed on grilled tomatoes, salmon quiche, beet bacon salad, and mushroom bruschetta for three hours. No one really knew anyone else, which made for a fair playing field for getting to know each other.

Upon leaving, L. said, "that's where all the coolest people are hanging out right now in Minneapolis!" And then she said, pensively, "I think perhaps no one there was actually Minnesotan." She's right. I can't think of a single person there who didn't move here.

OMG! My conclusions about having more success in finding non-Minnesotan friends and her conclusions about Minnesotans not being spontaneous might be right!

Roller Garden ruckus!

We went roller skating yesterday afternoon at Roller Garden! It was intensely exciting and exhilarating. In the back of my mind, I've really wanted to try out for the MN Roller Derby team, but it's been quite awhile since I skated and I wasn't sure how realistic my dreams were.

I learned a few things in relation to this dream.

1. Confidence is key. (It's how I win arm wrestling time and time again. You just convince yourself you can do it, grimace intensely, and then you can.)

So, the first few go-arounds I was a little tentative of wobbling or falling. But then I just gave it my all and went FAST. Around and around and around... and then:

2. Roller skating is a killer on shin muscles! I'd be going around really fast and then my shins would BURN like I'd strapped a tiki torch to them. L. attested to the same sensation, though I think mine was worse. I felt majorly un-tough. So we'd stop and watch the others, then go back for more, and repeat cycle again. And then:

3. I realized that turning the corners really tight is very hard to do. Roller girls really get in there and turn sharply with that left skate. I had to keep balance with the left skate while I steered around the curve with the right skate.

This is obviously a skill that comes with practice, but it seemed to defy all physics laws when I even thought about trying it. Hmm.

All this is to say:

1. I'm even more interested in trying out for roller derby.
2. I'm even more impressed with the athletic abilities of the roller girls. (Turning your head can make you lose your balance, and they skate while looking back all the time. Amazing!)
3. I need real skates with real support if I'm gonna keep trying this. Chuh ching! That's easily $100 for my next hobby!

Much fun was had by all.

p.s. to the locals: the next roller derby bout is this weekend with a Polka band as halftime entertainment. Don't miss it!!!