Since Thursday, I've been incredibly emotionally fragile. As a future mental health practitioner, I see self-awareness of my swings as productive and also terrifying.
L. succinctly summarized what could be going on.
1. I'm taking a medication for six months because I was exposed to TB. One side effect is depression.
2. It's my first February in Minnesota. One side effect is depression.
3. I'm learning how to be a grief/crisis counselor. One side effect - unless you know what the hell you're doing and have vast experience - is depression.
One of the bedrooms gets flooded with sun between 9:30 am and 2:30 pm. If it's sunny out, which it hasn't been in days - until this morning! After breakfast we crawled into the bed in that bedroom, lowered the blinds as much as possible without peep-showing the neighborhood, and raised a yellow blanket up in front of our faces to reflect the sun on us.
It's about -10 degrees outside; wind chill is between -25 and -40. (I still haven't left the house today and don't have a clue as to what that feels like, yet.)
But before we lifted the blanket up, L. said, "you wanna go to San Diego?" I said, "YES!" And then she lifted the blanket up, smiled, closed her eyes and said, "I'm on the beach! In San Diego!"
It was the best part of my morning, hands down.
Showing posts with label sunshine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sunshine. Show all posts
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Dream in Hawaiian
Right before I woke up, I was wearing a grass skirt and nothing else, the sun was breaking through the clouds and it was hot outside. Something about a mango. Something about not caring about anything.
And then I woke up and L. said, "look at the pretty trees outside." The trees outside our window are really mature and huge and make gorgeous silhouettes in the winter. See?
All I could see, however, was grey, plain sky and black trees (ie winter February death). And I said, "Fucking winter. I want green. I want flowers. I want red tomatoes at the farmer's market. I want sunshine. Rain and not snow. Fucking winter."
Now it's snow/sleeting outside. It used to feel so beautiful, now it feels like prison.
And then I woke up and L. said, "look at the pretty trees outside." The trees outside our window are really mature and huge and make gorgeous silhouettes in the winter. See?
All I could see, however, was grey, plain sky and black trees (ie winter February death). And I said, "Fucking winter. I want green. I want flowers. I want red tomatoes at the farmer's market. I want sunshine. Rain and not snow. Fucking winter."Now it's snow/sleeting outside. It used to feel so beautiful, now it feels like prison.
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